The opposite of 'pro' gress

We will start this one with a little story: On October 9th 2012 my wife celebrated her 30th birthday. However, given that there was a 1-month old in the mix, not much celebrating happened.  Since Erin is quite the enjoyer of birthdays she has decided to throw a ’30 and a half’ birthday party to make up for lost fun.  So, please join us at Carrabba’s in Altamonte Springs on Tuesday, April 9th for some adult beverages, food and frivolity!

Europe continues to be the metaphoric dumb kid in math class that always makes you feel better by comparison.  Italy’s recent election made the Floridian miscount Gore v. Bush debacle seem almost trivial (I am fairly sure that the Tooth Fairy captured at least 15% of the popular vote over there and she doesn’t even exist).  Cyprus (which I just learned is a country) just got approved for a bailout in­volving (for the moment at least) mandatory depositor contributions.

This is basically like watching some show and seeing a commercial where a guy says “Our country needs money, so we’re gonna go ahead and nab a few hundred out of your account to make it happen.  So... yeeeaaaahhhh.  Now back to Judge Judy.”  And then that actually happens.

Speaking of Europe: Austerity.  Remember that?  The series of hardcore budget cuts and tax hikes that swept Europe about a year ago which caused rioting in the streets and damn-near eviscerated the Euro­zone?  Guess what cupcake: it also just happened here.  We renamed it ‘the sequester’ which is cool because it has the letter q in it.

The entire idea behind the writing of this time-bomb of tax hikes and spending cuts was that everyone at the time agreed that ‘despite our differences, none of us would be so moronic as to allow our coun­try to slip into this proposed hellscape of a scenario.  Surely our dividing lines will wane and give birth to a new, UNITED States of America.’

NOPE.  Screw the other side of the aisle, we’ll see you in the afterlife.

I feel as if I should rename myself (or more accurately, my son) to Collateral Damage.  Because that’s all I feel like lately.  And the kick-me-while-I’m-down element of this whole thing is that in the face of  what all of politico is touting as a huge problem, the stock market is roaring to all-time new highs.  Though I can’t bash equities investors’ enthusiasm as of late.  In just our most recent jobs report the anticipated job creation of 167,000 got blown away by 236,000 actual net jobs created, complete with a lowered unemployment rate of 7.7%.  Housing statistics, while not uniformly positive, are hinting at the nationwide emergence of a seller’s market.

In the face of this trend towards improvement (assuming our legislative branch can get their heads out of their asses soon enough to amend this whole sequester thing) then it provides a pretty convincing argument for the Federal Reserve to begin thinking about pulling the punch bowl from the party.  And that means the massive efforts by our central bank to keep interest rates low may begin to unravel sooner as opposed to later.  The money printers may be running out of ink.

Hugo Chavez is dead.  I don’t really care, but it happened since my last newsletter and I figured it de­served a sentence.

Kim Jong Un (who isn’t dead yet, despite some assassination attempts) continues to fire missiles all over the place for no good reason making everyone increasingly mad at him.  However, he was able to find a new best friend in Dennis Rodman which makes me hope with all my might than Kim Jong Un will soon be getting some lip piercings and copious sums of tattoos.  That would at least make him a funnier looking despot.

While new Pope Francis still had his new pope smell about him, he openly likened gay adoption to child abuse.  Because having a loving family who happens to be gay is WAY worse than spending one’s days in the throes of a cold, relatively inefficient, bureaucratic system that offers neither stability nor genuine, individualized love.  Thankfully, the Catholic elite are on the case.

And since when did the Catholic Church become an authority on child abuse?  ...oh wait.  Nevermind.

The New York Federal Reserve has recently released Bank of America from all liability arising from losses incurred from mortgage-backed securities they sold to AIG that sparked the massive bailout of 2008.  So, a branch of our central bank has gone ahead and swept what many tout to be an openly fraudulent multi-billion dollar transaction under the rug because (I can only assume) the Sith lords running Bank of America have grown stronger in their mastery of the Force.

But seriously people: Carrabba’s on April 9th.  Here’s the link.  Be there.  Show Erin the love.