Come hither kitten: Let us pontificate our current state of being.
EVERYTHING IS AWESOME! American gross domestic product (a.k.a. the economy) was upwardly revised to show growth of 2.7% annualized in the third quarter. Initial jobless claims dropped by 23,000 last week. Existing home sales jumped in October to a 4.79 million annualized rate. The Case-Schiller home price index showed national home prices increased 3.6% year over year and 2.2% quarter over quarter. Trulia’s housing market barometer hit a new post-crisis high in September. BUST OUT THE CHAMPAGNE! VICTORY ORGIES IN THE STREETS!
EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE! New home sales fell 0.3%. The mighty phantom tax (which allows any forgiven debt from a short sale to be taxed as income) is going to rear it’s ugly head once more in 2013. Everyone’s freaking out about a new wave of Euro-zone defaults at are quite possibly approaching soon. Paris Hilton teamed up with Little Wayne to produce a song. I’m fairly certain that is one of the horsemen of the apocalypse right there. TO THE BOMB SHELTERS! SHOOT ANYTHING THAT MOVES!
The screwy part is that everything there is true. As we Americans bask in the sordid aftermath of our most societally polarizing of political rituals (fancy way of saying election) there is plenty of data to support either side of the “Are home prices finally coming back???” debate.
Listen. I don’t give even half a crap about how pleased you are or aren’t about this election. I am a believer that regardless of who took the oval office it would have very VERY little to do with the open market forces that are driving our current housing market, at least in the short term.
Knowing my highly opinionated audience, I imagine I just kung-fu kicked a hornet’s nest. But the point remains. The pendulum SEEMS to be swinging back to a more balanced, healthy market. Things got way too loose, the economy went to hell, then things got way too tight. Hopefully we’re feeling out a healthy medium here. Lord only knows there’s a ton of government intervention and artificial forces that will need to be dealt with sooner or later, but the immediate future seems (in my opinion) promising. At least not as bleak as recent history would suggest.
I ripped a quote from CNBC because, well, I’ve been saying the same stuff all along. But now a credible news network said it. So here is a corporate entity parroting my thoughts:
Home buyers need to be more focused on the mortgage process in the current environment where lenders and banking regulators are being risk averse. Shopping for competitive mortgage terms is a good idea, but it may be more important to find a bank that is willing to work with you given your credit history.
Translation: Banks are dicks right now and I’m a scrappy broker who doesn’t quit hammering until stuff gets done. I also get my clients awesome deals. Boo-yah. I got chuckin’ testimonials, Farley.
But enough about how great I am and how you should definitely tell anyone who owns a home or wants to buy one that you know about me…
This whole fiscal cliff issue remains unresolved. For those of you who haven’t read my previous references to this phenomenon (and shame on you for not reading and memorizing everything I write), the fiscal cliff is a series of tax cuts and program spending allocations that are set to sunset when the ball drops in Times Square. Basically, if we hit 2013 and nothing is done about it, gravity will be doubled for everyone.
That’s not exactly what’s going to happen, but I think it’s a pretty neat metaphor and I’m going with it. Things are going to be suddenly slowed down is what I’m stabbing at. And that would be no bueno.
So, despite the fact that compromise seems to be the only path away from ruin, both political parties seem quite content with their respective uncompromising terms of engagement. It’s refreshing to know that so much of our tax money goes to pay a bunch of old guys to represent our differences virulently and effectively accomplish nothing.
In related news, I’m asking for a toaster and a bathtub for Christmas.
But we all know how this story will end: Lots of re-election-friendly voter-base-appealing banter and then a buzzer beater solution that doesn’t necessarily solve, but effectively staves off the harsh consequences of the cliff. And a great big smile as they wish us all a Happy New Year.
Just WATCH it happen. So delightfully predictable.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
It's over. Can we all stop yelling at each other now? Please?
History has been made. I will discuss it with a “Choose Your Own Adventure” paragraph using the key democrat/republican/person-like-me-who-is-just-glad-this-whole-damnable-fiasco-is-over.
Ready? You betcha you’re ready.
What an incredibly incredible/unfortunate/long and boring day in the history of America November 6th was! Barack nothing additional/HUSSEIN/el presidente Obama has been re-elected in a landslide/completely illegitimate and questionable/pretty darn close vote. I have spent all day today cavorting in the streets naked calling my psychic on my brand new completely free Obama-phone whilst sipping champagne and supporting gay marriage for pot growers who own abortion clinics/frantically calling my financial advisor and having all of my assets shifted overseas in fear of our inevitable economic collapse whilst loudly proclaiming said apocalyptic opinions on Facebook/living my life normally.
Life goes on, as they say. The whole ordeal gobbled up two-billion dollars in campaign spending. And I can think of two-billion better ways of spending that money than the circus side-show that was this electoral season. FINALLY we can make more room for Christmas commercials. I want to be ceaselessly bombarded with savings, not attack ads.
Carl Rove enjoyed a 20 minute on-air joyride into the inky darkness of madness as the only man in America who didn’t accept Obama’s victory when it became official. That was pretty fun to watch. Guess you had to be there. Orrrrr you need to have access to YouTube, because it’s all over YouTube.
Donald Trump also seemed to come a tad unglued, as he attempted to begin a second American Revolution from the comfort of his Twitter feed. The ‘great and disturbing injustice’ of our election he felt to be worthy of vigilante justice.
Frankly, if I am going to follow a leader against my own government I would want to know that aforementioned leader had never allowed Arsenio Hall, Joan Rivers and Piers Morgan to win anything ever.
So the northeast has had a pretty rough ride, eh? A one-two punch of Hurricane Sandy and a Nor’Easter has truly taken a toll. It went so far as to close the stock market for two days, which is the first time that’s happened since 1985. In my opinion, this is just the beginning of the holy retribution to be rained down by heaven to cleanse the earth of Snooki’s offspring. But I really feel bad for all those poor people in the crossfire.
Disney is buying LucasFilm for a little over 4 billion. Hopefully we see a crossover come from this deal. I for one would love to see a lightsaber duel between Goofy and Pluto. One dog owning another dog? I don’t think so. Pluto’s been kept down by the man for entirely too long.
Goofy is supposed to be a dog, right? I could never really tell.
I’m sure a bunch of you have heard that if Obama won, it would be bad for stocks and if Romney won it would be good for stocks. Lo and behold, on Obama’s first day after the election, the Dow drops over 300 points. Is it that Obama is just going to ruin business in this country?
In the long-term, that very well may become the debate. But this drop isn’t indicative of the long-term: it’s indicative of the short-term. Honestly, investors don’t care who’s at the helm as long as they can profit from it. So why the stock swoon?
The ‘fiscal cliff’ of expiring tax cuts that looms at the close of 2012. You see, if Romney won it was perceived that he would be able to clear whatever measures he needed to through his majority held Congress to avoid the cliff. However with Obama still running the show, political deadlock will potentially drive us right over the edge.
And who should come galloping up on a white horse in shiny armor to save the day? Why, none other than the handsome Speaker of the House John Boehner (whose name I consistently mispronounce for cheap laughs) with an offer to discuss higher taxes “under the right conditions”. I am pleased to see the pissing match seems to be subsiding and the “Seriously guys, this will suck for all of us if we allow this tax sunset to happen” talks have begun.
Housing? Yeah, it’s doing super. We’ll discuss it next time. You should buy some between now and then. Purely because I told you to.
Ready? You betcha you’re ready.
What an incredibly incredible/unfortunate/long and boring day in the history of America November 6th was! Barack nothing additional/HUSSEIN/el presidente Obama has been re-elected in a landslide/completely illegitimate and questionable/pretty darn close vote. I have spent all day today cavorting in the streets naked calling my psychic on my brand new completely free Obama-phone whilst sipping champagne and supporting gay marriage for pot growers who own abortion clinics/frantically calling my financial advisor and having all of my assets shifted overseas in fear of our inevitable economic collapse whilst loudly proclaiming said apocalyptic opinions on Facebook/living my life normally.
Life goes on, as they say. The whole ordeal gobbled up two-billion dollars in campaign spending. And I can think of two-billion better ways of spending that money than the circus side-show that was this electoral season. FINALLY we can make more room for Christmas commercials. I want to be ceaselessly bombarded with savings, not attack ads.
Carl Rove enjoyed a 20 minute on-air joyride into the inky darkness of madness as the only man in America who didn’t accept Obama’s victory when it became official. That was pretty fun to watch. Guess you had to be there. Orrrrr you need to have access to YouTube, because it’s all over YouTube.
Donald Trump also seemed to come a tad unglued, as he attempted to begin a second American Revolution from the comfort of his Twitter feed. The ‘great and disturbing injustice’ of our election he felt to be worthy of vigilante justice.
Frankly, if I am going to follow a leader against my own government I would want to know that aforementioned leader had never allowed Arsenio Hall, Joan Rivers and Piers Morgan to win anything ever.
So the northeast has had a pretty rough ride, eh? A one-two punch of Hurricane Sandy and a Nor’Easter has truly taken a toll. It went so far as to close the stock market for two days, which is the first time that’s happened since 1985. In my opinion, this is just the beginning of the holy retribution to be rained down by heaven to cleanse the earth of Snooki’s offspring. But I really feel bad for all those poor people in the crossfire.
Disney is buying LucasFilm for a little over 4 billion. Hopefully we see a crossover come from this deal. I for one would love to see a lightsaber duel between Goofy and Pluto. One dog owning another dog? I don’t think so. Pluto’s been kept down by the man for entirely too long.
Goofy is supposed to be a dog, right? I could never really tell.
I’m sure a bunch of you have heard that if Obama won, it would be bad for stocks and if Romney won it would be good for stocks. Lo and behold, on Obama’s first day after the election, the Dow drops over 300 points. Is it that Obama is just going to ruin business in this country?
In the long-term, that very well may become the debate. But this drop isn’t indicative of the long-term: it’s indicative of the short-term. Honestly, investors don’t care who’s at the helm as long as they can profit from it. So why the stock swoon?
The ‘fiscal cliff’ of expiring tax cuts that looms at the close of 2012. You see, if Romney won it was perceived that he would be able to clear whatever measures he needed to through his majority held Congress to avoid the cliff. However with Obama still running the show, political deadlock will potentially drive us right over the edge.
And who should come galloping up on a white horse in shiny armor to save the day? Why, none other than the handsome Speaker of the House John Boehner (whose name I consistently mispronounce for cheap laughs) with an offer to discuss higher taxes “under the right conditions”. I am pleased to see the pissing match seems to be subsiding and the “Seriously guys, this will suck for all of us if we allow this tax sunset to happen” talks have begun.
Housing? Yeah, it’s doing super. We’ll discuss it next time. You should buy some between now and then. Purely because I told you to.
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