We’re gonna do this one at over-caffeinated chipmunk speed. And that’s super-fast. I know this because I have experimented accordingly. Don’t tell PETA. Seriously, they’re crazy.
Tim Geithner (our handsome and talented Treasury Secretary) has declared that the US has no risk of losing it’s AAA credit-rating. Standard and Poors (a significantly less politically-influenced institution) said we’ve got about a 1 in 3 chance of losing it. So, our “print money til’ the problem goes away” policy may have a slight flaw to it, according to honest people.
But who cares about honest peoples’ opinions anyway?
We’ve deployed armed drones to assist in the Libyan rebellion efforts, even though we’re not at war over there. Except we ARE. And for those that are counting, that’s war #4 right behind drugs, Afghanistan and Iraq. But you know what they say: 4th time’s a charm!
No one says that. Ever. Because that would be a terrible thing to say about war.
The governmental gridlock over budget cuts didn’t result in a shutdown! Yaaay! But somehow we’re all still angry at one another and bleeding money on a daily basis. ...Yay? Maybe if they shut down we could have not paid our “elected officials” for a week and have covered the entire budget deficit right there AND fixed poverty in this nation with their lost wages. But no, they continue to argue on Capitol Hill while that one guy at the intersection of Lee Road and I-4 continues to refuse the apple I try to give him and demands money. Evidently you can’t buy malt liquor with apples.
Gas prices suck. But it’s okay because Obama’s got a task force looking into it. They’ll solve all our problems. Or they’ll eat our tax dollars and laugh at us. Either way is fine, really.
On the subject of our Commander-in-Chief, we’re rapidly approaching election season. Has anyone else noticed that our mighty leader’s speeches have gotten a lot more… Obama-y? I don’t know what other adjective to use. They’re inspire-tastic. Make-me-wanna-tackle-the-world-errific.
And on the other side of the aisle, in C-I-C running all I’ve heard from is Mitt Romney and Donald Trump. Really? Last election’s fail fodder and a joke candidate who just got roasted by Comedy Cen-tral? That’s all the GOP has to pitch? I thought y’all we’re rich. I think Steve Jobs with a new cyber-netic carapace would be electable.
Speaking of which, I got my 1st iPhone recently. It’s like I found religion, only way better. And with Angry Birds AND Fruit Ninja. I don’t even care that it is allegedly tracking my every move. I WANT it to. When I walk into Pita Pit, I want a coupon sent directly to my iPhone. That’s how I know SkyNet loves me and won’t murder me when the inevitable Robot Armageddon ensues. It’s like Mi¬nority Report sans the Scientology. Or Katie Holmes.
Mortgage interest rates remain low and housing season is upon us. There. I advertised to you. Finance houses through me. You’ll be glad you did. Or at least I will be glad you did. Most likely both of us. Believe it.
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